My Journey to Healing as the Strong Friend

By Trina Lee Founder of Rooted & B.R.W.N

I’ve always been the strong one.

The one who holds space.

The one who listens, carries, pours out, and never asks for anything in return.

Being the “strong friend” became my identity — the person who had it together even when life was falling apart behind the scenes. I wore that strength like armor. I smiled when I was exhausted. I encouraged others while silently drowning in my own unspoken pain. And for a while, I thought that was love. That was loyalty. That was being “good.”

But what I’ve learned — through exhaustion, burnout, and quiet nights with racing thoughts — is that being strong all the time is a trauma response, not a badge of honor.

The Moment Everything Shifted

My healing began the moment I admitted I was tired— not just physically, but spiritually.

In 2017, I lost my mother. Soon after, I lost both of my brothers and the father of my child.

Through it all, I pressed forward—raising a small child, working full-time to keep the lights on in our tiny one-bedroom apartment, and pushing myself through graduate school.

I wore my grief like armor and carried my daily struggles with pride.

But deep down, my soul was tired.

Tired of feeling unseen.

Tired of silencing my truth.

Tired of showing up for everyone else while constantly forgetting to show up for myself.”

I remember standing in the mirror and thinking: What would happen if I allowed myself to fall apart?

That question wasn’t about weakness. It was about permission — to be human, to need support, to rest, to cry, to heal.

So I started small.

• I stopped answering calls when I didn’t have the capacity.

  
  
  
  

• I started journaling what I felt, not just what others needed.

  
  
  
  

• I began sipping calming tea before bed instead of scrolling.

  
  
  
  

• I gave myself grace — not guilt — for needing help.

  
  

  The Layers I Had to Unlearn

Healing meant facing the belief that I was only valuable when I was useful. That I had to earn rest. That vulnerability made me a burden.

It also meant realizing how often I had neglected my body, my boundaries, my joy — all in the name of being “the one they could count on.”

I had to re-parent myself. I had to nourish the parts of me I had abandoned while saving everyone else. I had to stop abandoning me.

Rooted & B.R.W.N Was Born from That Place

This journey birthed a vision — not just for myself, but for other women like me:

Women who are pillars in their families, leaders in their communities, nurturers at heart, but quietly aching.

Rooted & B.R.W.N stands for Balance, Resilience, Wholeness, and Nourishment — the very things I needed to find my way back home to myself.

Through tea, words, wellness rituals, and intentional rest, I’ve been reclaiming my softness. And guess what? I’m still strong. But now, I’m strong with boundaries. Strong with support. Strong with softness. Strong with peace.

To My Fellow Strong Friends

If you’re reading this and you see yourself in my story — I want you to know that you don’t have to carry it all.

You are allowed to:

• Say no without explanation

  
  
  
  

• Ask for help without guilt

  
  
  
  

• Fall apart and still be powerful

  
  
  
  

• Rest without earning it

  
  
  
  

• Be soft and still be strong

  
  
  
  

Healing is not a straight line. Some days I rise, and some days I retreat. But every day, I choose me — and that’s the real strength.

You are not alone. You never were.

With love and softness,

Trina Lee